Change is

Change is such a hard
thing to do.
Constant negative motivations
from your friends that
seen what you going through.
You try to slide up
a hill for a change
that’s filled with downfalls,
downfalls, downfalls.
As funny as it sounds,
the hill is covered
by a river much bigger
than an ocean. Anyone who
trips going up this hill of change
drops into this water that
no one ever survives, till
you’re at the pit of the river,
and even if you try to survive,
end up drowning.

July 24

July 24. We arrive at Sandusky. We grab
pasta and burger from Applebee’s, then we
go to Kalahari, change into my shorts.
Water slides everywhere. I don’t know where
to begin so I start inside the pool.
My whole body’s like an ice cube, I’m feeling
very cool. Surrounded by my loved ones, I’m
surrounded by my friends. Like a kid at a
toy store, the fun never ends. It’s
getting very late and it’s time to go back
in. I turn around and ask my mom can
we come again. She said it’s your birthday
I’ll do what I can.

Do You Really Care About Me

Do you really care about me?
If you do can you show me?
Thinking bout this makes me have
bad dreams. I’m always stressed
about my past you haven’t seen,
so here’s my question:
do you care about me?
Don’t tell me lies, I hate the pain
it brings. They say they friends
but then they changed on me.
I know I’m blind, you got
the power for me to see.
Answer my question: do you
really care about me and
will you love me for eternity
when I stop breathing and
I got my wings feasting in heaven?
Will you still care for me?

Missed

I missed you.
You helped show me love,
You showed me life.

I missed you.
You helped show me respect,
You showed me wisdom.

I missed you.
You helped show me self-control,
You showed me love.

I missed you.
Grandma you always knew me,
You showed me, the true me.

Dear Momma

I’m sitting in a cell wondering why, why
I didn’t listen to you. You were just tryna
keep me outta trouble. Now I’m reminiscing
about all the pain I’m causing after all
you’ve done for me. I’m sitting here
catching charges, sitting in a cell
on your Birthday. Now all the pain
I caused coming upon me. Mom I miss
you, Mom I really miss you. Mom I’m
sorry.

Dedicated to My Mother

Don’t nobody love you like your mommy do
I know you been there for me since I came outta you
But I start being hard-headed and stop listening to you
Though the block loved me more than you do
But the block don’t give me shelter like you do
I know it ain’t the right thing but the block got me eating too
Gotta provide  for myself—when you gone I can’t call on you
Then I took your car, make you look bad and you still here for me too
I really love you, my baby. I don’t show it, but I hope you love me too
I’m out there on the block for weeks still knowing you hope I make it through
You make sure I eat good, I know that’s all you can do
It’s a dirty world, I’m just playing the cards dealt to me
Mom, you’re my queen, my savior, and provider, but when I get out Ima
Be your provider

Change

It’s hard to make a change.

God, I’m too stuck in my ways.

Out here catching plays,

Praying for them better days.

Can’t hang, I ain’t no slave.

I’m too busy getting paid.

Grams all on da plate.

Maybe one day we’ll be straight.

Tryna get fat so I’m out here pushing weight.

Momma like, “Behave before they throw you in a cage.”

She’d say, “you put yo mind to it one day you gon be great.”

Feds on da way, kiss her cheek and drop the gate.

Rollin’

Rollin’ down the street playing my tunes.

Got locked up, they said I’m not getting out soon.

Called my mom, said she was on her way.

She came at 11 but was just too late.

So you know what that means?

I had to stay another day.

The History of a Name

My name means “the Father shares the pain of birth” because my Daddy pushed Momma down the stairs when she was pregnant. My Pops was abused as a child. My Momma’s parents overdosed when she was young. She was an orphan and I grew up homeless, so I robbed a lot. Spent most of my life behind bars.

While I was locked up, somebody laced my brother, and no one really cared.

I take care of them however I can.